I TOOK OVER THE WORLD!
by Serenity Dragon
Summary: what happends when a 13 year old girl takes over the world discised as voldimort? what happends when she gets harry as a side kick? can hermione and draco fall in love? why am i asking you these dumb questions? read and find out!
1. the begining! mmmwwaahahaha!

A/N: ok here we go! The plot! Here's the plot! Ok so you don't get confused the next part is about me! Not at Hogwarts me!  
  
Ok so I walked home from school one day, right, after getting hit on the head with a water balloon by my little bro and his little friends from his tree house in my front yard not his front yard MINE! So I go inside and dig in my closet in till I find my death eater outfit, I put it on over my school uniform, it was the last day of school and I don't have time to change, I walked over to my closet and poof, I was gone.  
  
A/N: ok NOW we are in the wizarding world! Yes we are  
  
I walked over to the glass cages on banged on them hard, "SHUTUP!" I yelled at a man holding on to a rope for dear life, with a squad of attack dogs trying to eat his brains out, this man, this stupid, pathetic man, was Voldimort, the one the only, in till, now! I'm the new Voldimort now kiddies! ((A/N yes I'm a girl but that's coming up later)) do you remember, by any chance at the begging of the story J.K. said that I'll never own the book! Well, in this story I own it! ((A/N: but you still can't sue me because in real life I don't own it, just here in this story, hey a girl can dream can't she?)) and since the ratings were going down, this is now a reality show that one day might air on Fox or something, NBC, ABC, comedy central?  
  
A/N: now we are at Hogwarts, were we find the whole school dinning, in the great hall, yes and this is where I come in,  
  
After walking like a mile up the road from the Hogsmade station, I FINALLY, reach the castle, I walk in to the great hall I con do that now that I'm Voldimort you know.... The only thing is that I don't look like him so right now I'm just a kid, in a Wal-Mart dearth eater Halloween costume, I walk up the isle all eyes on me, Dumbledore gets up and I just push him to the side,  
  
"My lord is coming! No one is safe!" I'm going to milk it for all that is worth, unknowing to all of them I got cameras taping this for the show, hehehe! "I....he...sh....he will be here soon! To take over his rightful place as quee....king of all that is cool and um.....stuff!"  
  
Harry stood up, in protest and so did a lot of others, yeah right like they can stand a chance against me! The greatest ruler of all time!  
  
Wait this might work...... and the first person to get voted off, Harry Potter!  
  
And in a snap of my fingers he was gone.  
  
A few hours later I was sitting in my cool new big boss guy chair, because I'm Voldyfart! I mean Voldimort..... Harry hadn't died no he walked in the cool hall of me-ness, looking really mad  
  
"where is he!" he yelled   
"who?"  
"you-know-who!"  
"no I don't..."  
"you know! You know who!"  
"no still don't..."   
"Voldimort!"  
"oh that guy..."  
"yes!"  
"here"   
"where?"  
"here"  
"what?"  
"don't you see Harry I'm now Voldimort!"  
"oh..............WHAT!"   
"I kidnapped....or Voldy-napped him and now his in a glass box on my front lawn and I charge kid 5 bucks to see him."   
"wow I wish I could have thought of that..."  
"to bad so sad, ok Harry I need a right hand man and/or girl."  
"ok..."   
"someone who knows his and/or her way around here."  
"yeah..."  
"someone who will stick with me to the end!"  
"and?..."  
"gets to ruin people relationships and friendships and gets all the food he and/or she could eat."  
"I'm your guy and/or girl!"   
"that didn't sound right"  
"..."  
  
Great! Now I have a right hand guy/girl! Yes the top death eater...wow we really need to think of a new name or the ratings would really go down....how about the Evil Followers of me from beyond the grave hoping that the ratings wont go down or well be out of work! Or the EFOMFBTGHTTRWGDOWBOOW!! Of short! Ok so Harry is my right hand !  
  
"what about the Death Eaters?" Harry said as we were sceaming our master sceam. "oh," I pushes a botton that was conviantly located under the table "there." A big screen came down to revile a bunch of death eaters in a glass box right next to big V, kids pressing there faces up to the glass, "well, who are those guys?" Harry asked pointing to the pacing people, "oh there just some geeks at school wanting to make a buck..."  
"I see,"   
"no you don't"  
"yes I do!"  
"do not"   
"do to!"  
"do not"  
"do to!"  
"do not"   
"do to!"  
"do not"   
"do to!"  
"well if you don't shutup I'll turn you into Hermione!" I said pulling out a button, a BIG RED button! "and I'll make you go out with Ron or even worst DRACO!"   
"NO!"   
"yes!"  
"no!"  
"yes!"  
"no!"   
"Button!"  
"ok, ok I'll be a good little boy....."   
"good very good...."  
  
A/N: Next chapter I rake over Hogwarts then Britain then Europe, then Antarctica, then the WORLD! MMMWWWAAAHAHAHAHA!!!! 


	2. i'm taking over hogwarts! oh yeah

A/N: This is just so you can lean Harry a little better

"Die you evil minion of the bathtub from beyond the grave!" Harry said waving the bar of soap around in one hand, "I will never die, sir Qalaticod! You not evil person that's from the bath tub in front of the grave!!!!!" Harry held a rubber duck in the other hand and started hitting them together making battle noises, he made them dive in to the water and bubbles flew every where

"HARRY! Hurry up I have to take my bath!" I was standing outside the bathroom door, yelling at Harry, he had been in there for 2 hours…

"shush!" he said "last person who disturbed me while I was locked in a bathtub from beyond and/or in front of the grave I sent them to planet McSnickbottenbutt, with Princess Kissmyas-"

"Harry! Hurry up!!!!"

"No!"

"BOTTEN!!!"

"I'm out!" he said as he ran out of the bathroom and down the hall into the kitchen but naked…. "Finally!" I said climbing into the bathtub as I herd screams down the hall from Harry lack of chothesness……

A/N: ok that was just there to be there….just so you can 'understand' the side of Harry not in the book…..now to the taking over the world part!

"ok, ok this is good" me and Harry were walking up the steps to Hogwarts, in long black robes that we got on sale from Wal-Mart. "so what are we doing again?" Harry asked me. "we are going inside the castle and throw Dumbledore out the window…." I thought Harry would be all 'no! not that anything but that!!!!' but, "sweet! Can I sell tickets???"

"hey that's a good idea we can sell tickets to kids and let them watch me, Voldimort, throw the headmaster of Hogwarts, Dumbledore, out a window!" good plan very good plan.

"who are you and what do you think your doing here?" asked a deep dark scary voice. We turned around to find Snape hovering over us, I guess it wasn't a good idea to discuses our master plan on the front steeps of Hogwarts at 1:35 with the doors open…

"um….you see….sir…" Harry started. "we are evil!!!" I said, standing up, oh yah! He scared now. "right…" he said, not scared. "drat…"

"so what are you really doing here?"

"Well, you see professor…we could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you…" Harry started duming the Mission Impossible theme song, "dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, do a loo da do…" as we 'sneaked' past him, "where are you going?" he asked, grrr I hate him, "we're going throw Dumbledore out a window…" said Harry, that stupid idiot! "Cool can I sell tickets?!?" Snape said.

...

So me and Harry crept up the stairs after accidentally pushing Snape off a conveniently placed cliff…what? It's a hobby. "RING!!!" the bell! No! the kids came poring out of every room "aaahhhh!!!!" me and Harry ran for our lives! ((notice that it is me and Harry and not Harry and I because I'm more important then him. And I'm Voldimort!!! Mwahahaha!)) but it was too late, we got surrounded by people, good things our hoods were up, "um…hi?"

…

"ow…pain…hurt…sorrow…" Harry was laying on the lawn as I came flying out the big oak doors, and landed on top of him, "that'll teach you to mess with our school!" Hermione yelled from the door as all the students started yelling 'yah' or 'that right!' and then the doors closed… "great we need another plan, but what? But what???"

"how about we climb up the side wall of the castle and…and then once up there I'll tie a bomb to your chest, then after I say my good-byes I jump down landing safely on a conveniently placed trampoline, they by setting off the bomb, after you had crawled into Dumbledore's office, and then him and his office would be there by destroyed, but we'd have to do it tonight after he's a-" ((twitch)) ((twitch)) ((SLAP)) ((twitch)) ((twitch)) "how about NO!" Harry is so stupid, taping a bomb to me…how stupid… "we can get someone else to do it…" think think "lets get Neville to do it…"

…

"mmwwwaaahahahaha!!!" BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!! no more Neville… "WE WIN!" Harry yelled as Dumbledore and his office are blown to oblivion… "WE WIN! WE WIN! WE WIN! WE WIN!" we started to do the how-down, oh yeah! We win! After about 2 min. of how-downing every one is staring at us, what? It's not like we just blew up Dumbledore and Neville or something…oh wait we did! Hehehe….. people pored out of the school to see what happened, the Syltherins we happy, we were happy and every one else was mad.

"what?" Harry said, "oh yeah!"

"we are now the rulers of this school!" I said jumping down from the conveniently placed trampoline, "so go back to bed and tomorrow we will, um…make the rules!"

…

"ok fist rule!" we were standing on top of the head table as everyone else was sitting at the house tables "we have no need for teachers! So, go home…" blink blink confused…….happy! "yeah we're free!" there go the teachers… "Rule 2!" Harry said as he pulled out a LONG list of things… "how long have you been planning this?" he turned to me "12 years" blink blink "what? It's a hobby…"

…

"rule #1,836!" Harry was about half way done… "you will address me as Mr. or Sir!"

someone from the 'audience' raised both there hands in the air, because of rule # 563… 'to speak raise both hands in the air…and wait to be called on,' "what?" Harry said,

"um…sir?"

"what?"

"Mr. what?"

"no not Mr. What just What?"

"you want me to call you What?"

"no! Mr."

"what?"

"what do you mean what?"

"Mr. what?"

"no! not Mr. what!"

"what do you want us to call you?"

"I just told you!"

"what?"

"NO! not what! Mr.!"

"MR. WHAT!"

"NO! MR. JUST MR.! NOT MR. WHAT!!!!"

"no I mean what's your name?"

"Ha-" think think "Mr. H"

"oh ok…"

"no problem"

"ok now rule #1,837!" groan mumble ggrrr…

…

"and that's it….!" Harry had been talking for 27 hours strait…not that anyone was paying attention passed rule # 12…. 'don't chew with our mouth closed…' but rule #163 'don't chew with your mouth open…' Harry stupid…

"oh yeah one more rule!" I still think the ratings are going down… so "muggleborns must do what ever a wizard with purer blood than them commands! Or else…um….yeah" gasp well, the muggleborns weren't happy…they were scared out of there minds. The Slytherins were having the times of there lives and "oh yeah the rules don't start intill tomorrow… thank god god danmit! "what! Might I remind you…" Harry yelled pulling out his list again! 'Mental note to self, burn list…' "that rule # 4,862 clearly says! 'you can't say things like God Danm or stuff like that but just the simple danm or holy shit is ok, but you can't use shit as a noun as in 'I need to take a shit' but you can use it in the verd for 'oh shit' but you can also say it in the adverb for like 'man you look shitty,' but you can't said it in the adjective form as in this sentence 'I just went take a shit so now I'm all shitty...' but!" I pulled Harry off the 'stage' before he hurt himself… thank goodness for south park….mind you I don't own that.

…

well that's it I hope you like it I took over Hogwarts! YEAH! Read and Review! AKA R&R, thanx bye! I'm not updating intill I get 4 revews or in till I fell like it, bye!

thanx to the ones who did Review

**----: Very funny! I like it! Good Job, I can't wait to see the next chapter!  
**well, here is the next chapter Oh great Anonymous one

frifri:**OMG! this is like so funny. like shut-up!  
Like no-way, this is like so funny and I am like soo fur real! I so like want to like no like what like happens like next! so like update!  
  
like tuttles!  
**- OOOoooOOOKKKkkkkkKK.....


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